Mariah, Mariah, wherefore art thou Mariah?

Cos the public cannot possibly miss any sighting of you since you are so, well, how do i put it so delicately to your diva face...prominent.

To the general public, that means FAT.

Apparently, DJ Jean said you are working a a self-tanning lotion with your stylist, but why oh why are you doing that? You look so adorable when you are, prominent and fair, and looks just like the Chinese Horoscope icon for this year! Isn't that oh-so-trendily-vogue?

To the general public, that means the animal she looks like is the PIG

Why, my dear, do you wanna be a tanned (black-ish) boar instead of a lovable pinkish pig?

And why are you not working on your new album? I know you'd probably is still reeling in shock at how successful that comeback album was and you'd probably earned gazillions from it to be able to pamper yourself, but God gave you a voice, and hell, it's a bloody good voice! So put that beautiful voice to work, instead of wearing a white coat sitting in a laboratory churning out tannin lotion. Though the sentence may in reality be like this:

So put that beautiful voice to work, instead of wearing a (Shiny Glittering Fur) coat sitting in a (LV and Chanel displayed) laboratory churning out tanning lotion (and hiring cheap labor from third world nation to work on the lotion, then passing off as your own invention)

Advice: Glitter failed and bombed so i think you are just cursed with that thing. So nothing to do with glitter please, absolutely nothing to do with any form of that! Not even the actual stuff. One form of powder will be good for publicity - Crack. Just look what it did to changed Whitney's career.

Whole world knows Photoshop by now so don't mis-lead listeners with your album cover again (Paparazzi shots are better) and lastly, it took you a-g-e-s to come back with a hit album, so maybe you really do need more time, just not time spent wasting on developing your Mimi brand self tanning lotion. Summer's here, there's something call the Sun.