exasperated

i am indeed, exasperated that is. somehow, other then the feeling of sheer tiredness from the past 2 weeks of crunch time with non-effective usage of time at home and one module with incumbents that sent my blood pressure raising to, i believe, my all time high, i still gotta settle what the hell i wanna do this summer.

I really wanna travel to NYC but i am sick of going there alone again. I want to go to Europe again to meet up with Montse, Marta, Christina and Whitney who'll be there this summer, and also to see Claus and Cathi, but yet, I want to visit beautiful pristine beaches in Thailand and go to Taiwan to see for myself the world famous street markets that sells the best fried crispy chicken chops, but somehow, i do not really wanna waste my travelling within Asia, do you not see the conundrum here?

I really wanted to pursue an internship with a bank but my useless GPA just puts me off any perspective HR manager's radar. Dittoa for Moma in NYC where I just got the finalized rejection email.

Maybe I really just wanna be carefree but somehow i just cannot bear to commit myself to the carefreeness which i am afraid will bore me to death. I am intending to apply for a 7 weel internship with the arts council on helping out this summer for 7 weeks at Venice's Bienale. but again, i just do not seem confident of getting it. I mean, i do have a 100% track record of failing to secure any interveiws u know...